Alexandra Park 2 – Bank of England 0

League | January 7, 2012

A hatchet man was originally a pioneer or axeman serving in a US military unit. Towards the end of the 19th century, the phrase was used to describe a Chinese assassin who carried a handleless hatchet, which originated from New York’s Doyers Street.

The term ‘hatchet man’ is also used in football as a slang term to describe someone who tackles aggressively and sometimes unfairly, and in basketball (particularly in the past) as someone whose role is to retaliate against overly aggressive opposing players.’

I commence this match report with an apology. It seems it is what all the cool cats at the club are doing so I am going to follow the curve. In the celebrations proceeding the below victory I committed to providing some sort of match report (circa 6.30pm). Unfortunately, this was relatively early in my drinking cycle that evening and therefore there was no recollection of the aforementioned promise. So, here we are…

First game back from Christmas and an opportunity to kick on in our quest for promotion. A big game with some added spice. Pessimistic economic growth forecasts had left the AP boys miffed with all things Bank. That or they were wearing Chelsea kits.

We went with a 4-4-2, Bank had a decent defensive record but hadn’t scored shed loads, we therefore thought we could commit a few extra bodies forward. We had been poor in the final game before Christmas so were looking to pick things up, maybe complete a pass or two.

The game began relatively evenly, Bank were a capable side in possession and moved the ball well. AP had less ball but looked a little more dangerous. So it proved, Jay Hughes opening the scoring. Egan span a ball over the top into the left channel, it sat up nicely and Jay lifted the ball into the far corner. Half cross, half shot. If Ray Wilkins were analysing it, he would likely have observed ‘a good area, well done’.

Matt Kelly was very disappointed with the delay in the match report. The first reason is that he is a very sensitive young man (I for one find this endearing). The secondary reason is that it would have left a very special goal unreported. After a good spell of Bank possession, Matt robbed the centre back not far into the oppo half. The ball popped up in the challenge about knee high and young Matthew didn’t have a whole lot of running in his legs (slightly flu’d). He therefore took the strike on first time, with the keeper no further out than the penalty spot. The ball looped over the keeper, took a bounce and dropped in. An incredible strike.

All credit to Bank, they were the better side in the second half. They passed well and kept the ball far better than us. That said, we defended solidly and limited the amount of work Simpson had to do. Carlin made a cracking goal line clearance to preserve the clean sheet.

We are doing the basics of defending very effectively, however some of our more talented players are being caught in the plow of our (defensively) agricultural style. We won a free kick in our own half with a couple of minutes remaining, which I as a centre half was thoroughly looking forward to Egan smashing in the direction of the cricket pitches. Kieran however committed the cardinal sin of attempting to complete a pass with this set play. It was also one of that could be judged ‘elaborate’ by our kangaroo centre half court. Needless to say, he was given a tirade of abuse by skips and Egan which sent O’Leary over the edge…

You’re a pair of f****** ****s, no wonder we are in Division 3……..f****** hatchet men”

Egan only heard the latter part and seemed delighted. Only after his eighth pint did he realise this was an insult and he was neither pioneer nor Chinese assassin.

All is well that ends well and we finished up with a valuable 3 points. It’s important to win games when a little under par and we did so again here.

MOM : Gunyon. Outnumbered in the middle of the park, worked incredibly hard and was involved in pretty much anything worthwhile we did in possession.


1st Team / Match Reports